Probably Gay Lyrics

Probably Gay

Katie Goodman/Soren Kisiel ©2011


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There’s a word called “homophobic”

But confusion as to how it’s used

It doesn’t mean gay folks are scary

Like they portray on FoxNews


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It doesn’t mean you should be scared

They’re gonna destroy your way of life

And it doesn’t mean that if they get married

It ruins your relationship with your wife


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What the -phobic part means

At the end of the day

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Is not that your afraid of gay people

But you’re afraid that you might be gay



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Yes, I'm sorry to be the one that has to say
If you're homophobic

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You're probably gay (x4)


Hear me out, now. Case in point:

In 1996

In the Journal of Abnormal Psychology

They measured a bunch of guy’s weenies

While they watched porn on tv


All the weiners swelled up

Watching porn that was straight

But then the big surprise came

Showing gay porn to men that expressed gay hate


It seems the guys that were okay with gays

Were not aroused much by those scenes,

But the men that were homophobic

Had quite a bulge in their jeans!


“While only 34% of the non-homophobic were turned on by gay porn,

a whopping 80% of the homophobic men were.”



Yes, I'm sorry to be the one that has to say
If you're homophobic
You're probably gay (x4)



An Alabama Attorney General was rumored to sleep with a male attaché

And a Washington State Representative allegedly hired a gigolo for a lay

And a California Congressman was accused of giving his boyfriend a fat sala-ray

And an Indiana State Representative answered a gay ad for a sugar-dadday

And a Mayor of Spokane was having sex with men who were underage

And do we even need to mention foot-tappin’ Larry Craig?

Now what do these men have in common, you say?

Well they’re all politicians whose legislation was anti-gay!




They say they’re anti-gay!

But they’re really probably gay!

You’re letting everyone know you’re gay!


And if you feel the need to show the world

How fiercely you’re gay-opposed

Then you’re probably be better off

Just keepin’ your homophobic mouth closed!


Don’t be hatin’ the gays!

Why don’ t you just go ahead and be gay?!

Some of our best friends are gay!

Everyone knows you’re probably gay